Change

Dear Universe,

I have had a lot of people talk to me lately about how I have changed.

So I want to take a moment to write to you about it.

I have had so much change in my life in the last year. My life literally has done a complete 180.

Was it all easy? Of course not.
Was it exactly the way I wanted it? Well, no.
Was it something that I had planned? Never in a million years.
Was it worth it? Yes.

I decided to change my life and focus on the relationships that I knew would make me happy.
So I got a divorce.

I had some health problems that required some intense drug therapy.
I quite literally was crazy and depressed for months.

My Grandpa's soul made its way home to my Grandma's soul in their next life.
I was devastated.

I gained about thirty pounds.
I was ashamed. But am learning to love myself again, and am living a healthier lifestyle now.

I have found my life purpose again.
I struggled to be my positive self for a while. (Partly because of the depression from my medication) I have found Me again, and am loving it!

Was this easy? Not. At. All!

All of these changes were intense and compounded on each other in the last year. I felt beaten down. I was exhausted all the time. There were days that I laid in bed, and cried. I didn't want to face the world. I didn't want to move. I wanted to lay there and hug my knees to my chest because I felt like that was the only way I could hold myself together. I went for weeks without taking care of myself. I didn't get dressed, (I lived in pajamas for a few months) I didn't do my hair, I didn't wear makeup, or any of my favorite jewelry. I didn't do any of the things that made me happy. Just making it through the day and to the next, was a struggle. It really was the darkest time of my life.

Looking back now, I know that it was something that I needed to go through. It changed me, for the better. I am happier now. I know that I will always have the love of my life by my side to support me. I truly have some amazing people in my life that picked me up and held me together when I needed them the most. The darkness showed me the true light in my life and it has made me stronger.

Who is anyone to decide what changes someone else, and whether those changes should be viewed as wrong?

I am mostly the same person that people knew, but I consider myself to be a better version. For the first time in my life I was able to stand up and be independent of negative relationships. Sure, the things that I used to consider important have taken a back seat to better, more important things to me now. That is okay. What I chose to do and be, makes me happy. No one else can decide what truly makes me happy, but me.

I choose to be unashamed and proud of me. That is why I am here at this exact moment in my life writing to you.

I am happy. Yes I changed, but all for the better.

I don't regret any of it, or any of my choices. I truly am happy just being me. And I love me!

Namaste,